New beginnings
by ishipJauren
Summary: J/L. One shot inspired by the SoapSquawk tweet from a couple of days ago and also tied in with tonight's Lauren/ Abi scenes. When Lauren is feeling low can Joey make it better? Let me know what you think!


**This tweet by SoapSquawk: **

**_'Jouren fans - have heard there's another cute moment coming up between them...face stroking and everything! Love it!' _****gave me the idea for this one shot, also tied in with tonight's Lauren/ Abi scenes. Can Jauren reunite?**

My sister hated me. My only sister; my baby sister, hated me. Dad was wrapped up in some weird thing with Carl and Mum was miles and miles away with Oscar. Abi is all I got and she doesn't like me anymore. But that's not the reason I decided to do what I'm about to do. She blames me for her not getting the results she needed. But the thing is, I'm angry at her for blaming me. Why is it my fault? Maybe I had a small part to play in it, granted. But my drinking wasn't about her; it wasn't about anyone. It's not like I intended to hurt anyone so what gives them the right to take it personally; like I set out to destroy Abi's hopes and dreams of becoming a vet. What about me? I could've died. I know it sounds horribly selfish, but it's true. I mean, Joey and Whitney are trying to excuse their behaviour by blaming it on my leaving and now Abi is blaming me for fucking up her A Levels. Why is everything my fault? I know I made a lot of mistakes and I accept that and feel awful about them. Why has my drinking turned into being about everyone and his mum? I'm not so ignorant to believe that what happened, only affected me. I know it affected everyone around me too, but I'm the one who was lying there in a hospital bed being told how much I've fucked up and how badly damaged my liver is; unseen of for a 19 year old. I was the one being told that maybe even a drop of alcohol could kill me. And I know what I did to Abi was stupid and horrible but shouldn't the fact I nearly died be a reason for her to kinda have to forgive me? Not that I deserve it, I know. I know I fucked up but I'm trying my best. I'm trying so hard. Really hard. But it feels like everybody is more bothered about how my problem affected them rather than how it affected me and how I'm doing. Of course I'm sorry about Abi's results and I wish there was something I could do and of course I feel guilty about tearing up her notes, and if they think I'm selfish then fine but if I was in a good place in my life and in my head then I wouldn't have been drinking so much in the first place, would I. All my life, it's been secrets and lies. Then more secrets and lies. I tried to take the brunt of it so Abi wouldn't have to. I mean, Dad and all his affairs. Then, Dad and Stacey. Then Bradley died. Then Mum's cancer. It was always one thing after another; nothing was ever simple and I guess I began to rely on alcohol. Because it was the only thing that helped. And the thing with Abi has just been one more instance in a long line of instances that has made me realise that I've just been kidding myself. I can't stop drinking. I mean, who even is Lauren Branning without a vodka in hand? Fuck if I know. I thought when I came back, 30 days of sobriety and counting, everyone'd be falling over themselves to tell me how proud they are of me but I've had more grief now than when I was drinking. What the fuck is all that about? Can't please 'em if I drink, can't please 'em if don't, so what's the point? And it is with this thought fresh in my mind that I enter the Minute Mart; I make sure Denise isn't working before I buy a bottle of vodka and stash it in my bag. I can't go home because Dad and Kirsty. And Abi, if she cares. As it's pretty dark I reckon I probably won't see anyone and decide on the swings. I sit down and take a deep breath, thinking over if I do actually wanna do this. It will mean the past 2 months have been pointless; I'll be undoing the struggle I went through to stop drinking. I was making everyone miserable and upset when I was drinking but they're still miserable and upset. Fuck 'em. Fuck it. But unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) as I raise the bottle to my mouth, the sound of footsteps behind me signaling someone's arrival causes me to put the bottle down.

"That's just water in a vodka bottle, init? Because you wouldn't be drinking again, would ya?" I hear Joey sounding incredulous behind me. I groan internally. Why did it have to be him? From all of Albert Squares' residents, it had to be him. I turn around reluctantly to face him.

"What are you doing, babe?" He looks at me sadly.

"Don't you fucking start, alright? Just don't. I'd had enough of all yous lot." I snap, frustrated. Joey comes up next to me and snatches the bottle up and without saying a word he pours it into the bin.

"What the fuck?" I stare at him, wide-eyed.

"That just made me feel more at ease." He explains, chucking the bottle into the bin.

"I can't believe you just done that."

"What else did you think I were gonna do, pull out my own bottle and have ourselves a little partaaay?"  
"I mean, I can't believe you think you have a right to control what I do or don't do. After the part you've had to play in the whole thing. Boyfriend of the fucking century, you were."

"Well, I had that one coming didn't I? So come on, what else you got? I can take it. Let's get it all out the way now, then you can tell me what's wrong."

"Why would I tell you anything?"

"Cos you was about to get merry on your todd, whilst sat on a children's swing. Somehow, I don't think you're fussy about who you talk to, just as long as you can talk to someone."

"Knight in shining armour you, aren't ya?"

"More like a dickhead in knock-off Diesel."

"I don't wanna talk, especially not to you. And you owe me a bottle of vodka."

"I owe you a 'I told you so' tomorrow after you've slept on it and realise how glad you are I stopped ya."

"Still a cocky prick. Some things don't change, ay?"

"Some things don't change." He agrees, nudging me gently.

"How's Whitney?" I ask.

"Can we please not talk about that? You know how sorry I am."

"Is it cos it reminds you that yet again, you made me drink." I laugh bitterly, but then regret it instantly when I see his face fall.

"That's not what you're upset about right now."

"How do you know? Is it cos you know me so well? Is that why you dumped me because you knew I needed it about as much as a hole in the head?"

"Say what you want. I'm not gonna get angry and I'm not gonna walk away."

"Aww that's mighty kind of you. I'm eternally grateful."

"Stop being a mardy arse and tell me what's wrong with ya."

"Nothing." I scoff, but to my horror I feel tears surfacing.

"Tell me." He repeats, peering down at me, just as my tears begin to fall.

"Babe." Joey frowns worriedly and pulls me into his arms, hugging me tightly to him. It's like coming home. He wipes my tears away gently, rocking me till the tears subside to a sniffle.

"I've missed holding you." He whispers, still not letting me go. And that's all it takes; just those words from him. I pull away from him and hurriedly stand up.

"I have to go." I start to walk away but he follows me.

"What is it? What did I say?"

"I'm going home." I reply, without turning around.

"Lauren." He grabs hold of my arm, grounding me to a halt.

"I missed you holding me too, okay. But I'm not the one who dumped you, and then slept with someone else the minute your back was turned. So you don't get to miss holding me." There's no fear of tears this time as I'm just angry.

"And I'm gonna make it up to you till you have no choice but to forgive me. And you're right, I have no right to miss holding you or miss anything because it was my own doing. But I do miss it. I miss you. I miss us." He whispers, and gingerly strokes my face making my breath catch in my throat.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you and I'll never forgive myself. I'm sorry for not being the kind of bloke that you deserve. I'm sorry I fucked up so massively but I need you to give me another chance so I can be better and so I can show you that I can be someone who deserves a girl like you." He mutters, and as he looks into my eyes, I find myself weakening. And then he does it. The thing I've desperately wanted him to do but also been dreading; he slowly tucks a loose hair behind my ear, gently cupping my face in his hands. I almost forget to breath as I get lost in the intensity of his gaze and touch.

"Maybe. One day at a time." I take a deep breath, sighing heavily.

"Can I do this?" He entwines his hand with mine, firmly but softly at the same time.

"Yes." I nod and we walk together, hand in hand. And in a strange way, it feels like everything's come full circle. All the shit's happened and now we're back at the start. A start where things won't go horribly wrong. At the start of a fresh new beginning.

**A/N- Other stories will be updated soon! Hope you liked this one, as always, please let me know what you think :)**


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